Sometimes people let us down, simply by not paying attention…
They haven’t noticed the spring in our step has been reduced to a slow, lingering pace.
They haven’t noticed the missing spark in our eye, which is now a restrained tear, desperately longing to break free.
Most importantly, they haven’t noticed we are lost and struggling to find our way.
People will always let you down. They see what they want to see.
I’m so very thankful for a God who loves me unconditionally. He sees my brokenness and offers healing, while understanding my pain.
No matter how lost I feel, he takes my hand and leads me back to where I need to be.
The struggle is real, but so is God.
Thankful for being a lost and found person. Loved with compassion, saved by grace.
You tell me that you love me, yet you mention her by name. You said she was no good for you, and made you feel great shame. You compare us and dissect us, to see which of us to gain. Meanwhile, I suffer silently, reeling in my pain.
She left you feeling unwanted, took your child and then she was gone. And left you sitting mindlessly, wondering what made things go wrong. Another man in the picture? Your son mentions his presence there. It seems she’s moved on, however briefly, forgetting the vows, which you had shared.
After little time had passed, you pursued my heart to keep. Soon learning forever after, was a price, to you, too steep.
Her plan, with her new man, somehow has dwindled and gone astray, now seeing you some what happy, makes her long for the good ole days.
She misses your devotion and the love you gave her, true. Now suddenly, she realizes, she can’t see you with someone new. Of course, now she has you, I was never yours, from the very start. I was just the rebound girl, who rejuvenated your heart.
Now you’re just a toy being played, in the wicked witches hands. Today she’ll gladly take you back, til she tires of you again.
And where does this all leave me? My faith in people shattered, with distrust. Picking up the pieces shamelessly, dusting off my battered heart, with great disgust.
One day true love will find me, my faith will see me through. God’s love will sustain me and make my heart anew.
Picking up the pieces,
I don’t need your money and I don’t need your physical touch. I don’t need your stern demeanor, or your cold, silent hush. I don’t need your unwanted sarcasm, which cuts me to the bone. I don’t need anything, which makes me feel alone.
I do need unfailing kindness, which wakes my inner soul. I do need heartfelt compassion, that will last til I am old. I do need arms to hold me, when I’m scared and feel unsure. I do need ample patience, when I am yielding towards the door.
For you see, my heart is fragile. This, I thought you knew. To handle it with caution, be gentle, caring too.
My co-workers and friends cannot understand why I turn down or sometimes even cancel dates. They think I should put my feelings aside and give the person a chance. I strongly disagree and I will explain why.
I have spent half of my life, looking for the love of my life. I have turned my life upside down, preparing for dates, hoping to meet Prince Charming. I have spent countless hours, shopping and getting my hair done, as us women often do, anticipating and looking forward to a single date. The butterflies are fluttering and I am confident all will go well.
The day finally arrives.
Upon arrival of the planned meeting place and the initial introductions, there is immediate weirdness. The awkwardness of sitting across from a complete stranger, trying to force unwanted conversation sets in. I’m an introvert, so it makes these encounters, that much more unbearable.
So, while I am sitting there picking at my food, trying to discreetly look at my watch, the disappointment sinks in. There is absolutely nothing between us. No sparks, no excitement of going through this again. Nothing! Just this long, never ending dinner.
Finally, the date is over. Hallelujah! I can politely thank this person for enduring such an uncomfortable evening with me and depart into my much needed solitude, because after all of this, I am socially drained. I will seep into my comfort zone, only to do it all again, weeks later.
The disappointment has always been excruciating.
It doesn’t matter if I’m into the guy or not. Either two things occur. I find the guy attractive, but he’s a player, with no intentions of seriously dating one woman, or I am uninterested and the guy is completely smitten with me. I am then forced to hurt his feelings, which I hate doing. I would rather be the recipient of disappointment. It’s easier than giving it.
There have been the few occasions where the date went extremely well, but shortly after, the relationship took off entirely too fast. Though chemistry was evident and strong, later I found the relationship lacked the emotional attachment I longed for, ending in disappointment, yet again.
The thought of going through all of this, makes me physically sick. I just can’t do it. There has got to be more than all of this.
Plus, I have finally reached a place, where for once, I am content with myself. I am discovering I actually like myself. Who knew?! Maybe I need to discover more about myself and I am perfectly ok with that.
Eventually, I hope to meet someone who appreciates all that I am and will take time getting to know me, on a much deeper level. Until then, I will continue dating solitude. It understands me.
Sometimes there are no words, only tears. Tears shed for the disappointments of both past and present. Tears shed for an enduring heart, which bleeds for its happy ending. Tears that bring comfort and understanding, without uttering a single word. And tears to wash away all grievances, in hopes of a brighter day.
So today, I allow myself to cry.