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There is this cosmic kind of connection I feel for you. It isn’t something I intended or even anticipated, but you’ve been imprinted onto my heart and it’s beyond my comprehension. No matter how hard I try to ignore it, my mind wanders back to you.

Looking back to when we met, some 20 years ago. I remember being drawn to you. You came into my life unexpectedly. I was expecting to see someone else that day and contemplating giving up my part time job. I had grown bored of it and was feeling restless with my life. It no longer filled the void I hoped it would fill and I was seeking a new distraction. Something to make me feel alive and less self-absorbed.

Then out of nowhere, there you were. In walked this tall, well dressed, and very handsome young man. You were introduced as my new boss. I felt an instant attraction and thus began my 2 year crush for you. Instead of dread, I now had an enthusiasim for work and anticipated the excitement in seeing you. Working with you brightened my evenings and gave me a sense hope.

Although our relationship was strictly professional, I felt the attraction was mutual. There was an energy between us and I longed to know you personally. I wanted more than just the attraction, I wanted the reality. That never happened.

Eventually I quit my job and we went our separate ways. Several years later, I found you on social media. We both had moved back to our home towns. You were a successful business man and I was starting my own family. Once a year I would wish you a happy birthday and that was the extent of our conversations. We were living very different lives and that was the end of it, or so I thought.

Then tragically, not long ago, you lost someone very dear to your heart. I remember seeing the post on social media and my heart immediately hurt for you. I wanted to convey my condolences, but I felt it was not my place. How could I help, being miles and miles away? What could I do, that family and friends could not? I let my insecurities get the better of me and chose to say nothing.

Later, months went by and the hurt for you remained. I tried to forget, but I couldn’t erase you from my memory. I prayed for you and asked that God be with you. Yet, I still felt the need to talk to you. After fighting with myself for 8 months, I finally contacted you with my condolences and have since reached out to you privately, as a friend. I truly believe our paths met for a reason. Had you arrived one week later, 20 years ago, we would have never met.

My crush for you has been replaced with gratitude. Unaware, you helped me through a dark time in my life. You gave me a reason to smile and still today, your existence makes me a better person. For 27 years, I’ve felt alone and misunderstood. I didn’t think anyone I knew, could possibly understand the loss that I felt. The abandonment of losing someone so close. The guilt of being alive and breathing. All silent tortures I’ve shared alone, until now. You understand. We share in this grief together, without uttering a single word.

So, thank you for brightening my days with your existence. I wish you everything your heart hopes for in life. The beautiful catholic woman, you’ve waited your entire life for. The one who appreciates your wit and adores your kind heart. God has someone hand picked for you. He knows everything there is to know about you and he loves you unconditionally. Don’t lose hope! After all, he chose me to be your friend. My friendship is rare and not given to just anyone. He must think you’re pretty special.

So please be happy and when you’re feeling blue, never forget, I’ve been there too. You’re not alone, I’ll be your friend. If to do nothing, but understand.

You’ve got a friend in me,

Penelope

 


 

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