Feeling a little down this week but it’s not unexpected. Being a woman royally sucks sometimes! We have indescribable emotions, which men will never understand. Thank God for our female friends. We may not agree on much, but the subject of PMS, we firmly stand united.

I don’t think it’s just PMS that has me down, but a few things weighing my heart and mind. The PMS does not help. It seems the older I get, the worse it gets. Lack of hormones I guess. I am now over 40. Yippee!! Funny, I have always been young at heart and the thought of growing old never entered my mind. I have been on a path of exploration for the last 20 years, trying to figure life out and have suddenly been awaken by the call of adulthood. The realization of this has now set in. It’s like, one day a light bulb turned on in my head, “holy crap, I am 40 years old. My life is half way over”!  When I dwell on this, anxiety immediately kicks in and so begins the journey down a road of bad decisions, inevitably taking a sharp turn onto the winding road of regret.

On days such as this,  I long to be secluded, locked up far away from the rest of the world, reflecting deep within my thoughts. I think of poor choices made and I long to rectify them. I wish I could force back the hands of time and make all wrongs right.  Luckily today, responsibility knocks at the door and I know it must be opened. Really I am grateful for the distraction. It helps to take my mind off of myself and focus on other things. My girls have needs that must be met. Lunches to be made, arguments for which I referee. Work requires a problem solver and quick thinker. No time to focus on gloom. I will change my way of thinking and muddle through. This is what adults do.

Tomorrow is another day. It will be much better.

Penelope

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